50 Ways to Annoy Dan Phantom!
by KodiakWolfe13
Summary: There once was a girl... And she found a list on BlackishPinkXDemonicAngel's profile... The idea turned into... This... And Dan Phantom is having an emotional breakdown and threatening to rip Kodiak's (the author's) face off... But she won't let him... And she thanks BlackishPinkXDemonicAngel with much enthusiasm...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom, nor will I ever, or the list that inspired this idea. I just own the idea. And the writing. I also don't own that cover art. Butch Hartman does.**

Kodiak packed a bag in her castle. Kadzait walked up. "Kodiak, what are you doing?" He asked confused. Kodiak gave him a broad smile. "I'm going to go annoy Dan Phantom." Kadzait gave her a blank look. "Do you have a death wish?" Kodiak remained smiling. "No, not really." Kadzait just shook his head. "You are dead." Kodiak nodded. "Yep. Bye Kad!" Kadzait waved. "Bye Kodi."

_Clockwork's Tower…_

"The thermos is over there, Kodiak Neve Wolfesbane." Clockwork said smiling. "Thanks Clockwork." Kodiak said, walking by and to the thermos. "Hi Dan! You and me are going to have so much fun!" From inside the thermos, Dan glared. "Who the crap are you?" Kodiak smiled. "I'm Kodiak, and I'm going to let you out."

"YES!"

"Under my surveillance."

"Kill me now."

Kodiak smiled. "Don't worry. You're crazy, I'm insane. We'll get along just fine." Dan groaned.

_Dan's New Lair He Doesn't Know About…_

Kodiak sat on Dan's bed. "I thought you were going to let me out, you little creep!" Kodiak shook the thermos hard. "OW! What was that for?!" Kodiak smiled. "No reason. I just wanted to see what would happen if I shook the thermos, with you in it of course, like I would with a milkshake. My hypothesis was that you would turn into a milkshake. My answer; you hate me even more." Dan growled. "No frikkin kidding." Kodiak shook the thermos again. "Language Dan! Kids are reading this!" Dan let out a murderous scream. "I'm going to-" Kodiak shook the thermos. "Bad Dan, bad! Say you're sorry!"

Dan growled again. "Sorry." Kodiak smiled victoriously. "Awesome. And remember, I could've had my friend Rebo babysit you." Dan scoffed. "She can't be as bad as you."

"She's in love with a freaky squirrel who sings really badly and sings really stupid songs like Mass Text."

"I take that back." Dan said. Kodiak nodded again. "Ok, I'm going to let you out now, but you can't fly off, scream profanities or threats, and anything else evil or I'll get Danny and Clockwork to help track you down and put you back in the thermos, got it?" Dan grumbled. "Fine." Kodiak smiled and let him out. "FINALLY!" He shouted. Kodiak looked at him weirdly. "It's not like you can go take over the world again. That's what I'm for."

Dan growled, and looked around. "Why are we in Amity? In my weaker self's room?" Kodiak's smile returned. "We're not. We're in the Ghost Zone. This is a special lair made just for you! It'll help calm your violent tendencies, and it's not just made of this room. It has others like a kitchen, a bathroom, etc." Dan looked at her weirdly. "You are one weird chick." Kodiak gave him a thumbs up. "Thanks! You're on the road to recovery! We're already making progress!"

Dan looked to the ceiling. "Why this chick, stopwatch? Is this some sick revenge?" Kodiak remained smiling. "Yep!" Dan groaned. "My life is over." Kodiak kept her thumbs up. "Yep!"

_Time Skip…_

Dan's reading a magazine with Danny in it. He was about to rip the stupid thing to shreds when a bucket of water was dumped on his head, extinguishing his flaming head. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" He screamed at Kodiak. The wolf-girl gave him a stern look. "Your hair was a fire hazard. You could've set this room on fire, young man." Dan gave her a bewildered look. "I'M OLDER THAN YOU!" Kodiak slapped him… HARD. "You will not talk to me that way, mister! You get a time out, go sit in the corner!" Dan glared at her. "No." Kodiak pointed to the corner. "GO SIT IN THE CORNER, YOU-

_This should not be viewed by anybody. All I can say is Dan is getting a serious butt-kicking, dubbed with lots and lots of profanities…_

Dan sat in the corner, huddled up, crying, his head still bald. Kodiak sat in the kitchen of the small lair, talking on the phone. "I cannot believe he did that, can you Rhea?... No, it was ridiculous!... Of course I gave him a time out, but he talked back to me!... I know right!... Hey Dan, Aunty Rhea, and so do I for that matter, want to know if you have an evil bug in your butt?"

_Time Skip…_

Dan was back on his old bed, reading 'Anger Management for Dummies.' Kodiak walked back in with groceries, whistling. "Why did you go shopping?" Dan questioned. "I'm staying here, remember? I need food, you know!" Kodiak went into the kitchen to put the groceries away. "Don't you have a life?!" Dan yelled. Kodiak nodded. "Of course I do! I'm an Enchantress, and I know a little sorcery." Dan rolled his eyes. "You know Dan, you're a lot like your cheese-head archenemy." Dan glared at her. "I am not!" Kodiak rolled her eyes. "You both want to take over the world, you both need a cat,"- "I do not!" -"You both need to find another obsession that doesn't involve your past-self-" "Are you going to stop anytime soon?" Dan interrupted.

Kodiak glared at him. "Daniel James Phantom, you will not interrupt me, understand?!" Dan shrunk back in fear, and nodded. Kodiak nodded. "Alright-y then…"

_Later on…_

Dan snored in his bed. "And you both seriously need a cat! Oh wait, already said that!"

_Time Skip…_

"Hey Dan, why did it take you so long to get into Amity Park? I thought you were the strongest ghost in existence?" Kodiak asked Dan innocently. "I am." Dan glared. Kodiak shook her head. "If you _were, _you would've gotten into Amity faster. I mean you destroyed the rest of the world in no time, but that stupid ghost shield that protected the city stopped you. Isn't that sad?" Dan continued to glare. "I mean, seriously? Danny developed his Ghostly Wail a lot faster than you did. Ten years it took you, but Danny… It took him five minutes!" Dan looked absolutely murderous. "You're like a disgrace to your own name!" Dan lunged.

_This part, though funny, is very violent. No one should see it._

"A disgrace, I tell you!..." Kodiak continued. Dan was on the floor, tied up with the Fenton Fisher line, anti-ghost duct tape on his mouth. "You even got beat by a girl! How sad is that?"

_Time Skip…_

Kodiak stared at a picture of Danny Phantom adoringly. "Dan, you were so much cuter when you had your human-half." Dan glared at her from where he was playing with Lego's.

(Kodiak didn't give him any toys or anything for that matter, unless she was there watching him.)

"I don't care." Kodiak continued to stare at the picture. "You had hair that made snow look dull. Now it's just a bunch of fire. Who wants fire for hair? No one. That's who. And you had beautiful green eyes that shined freakishly bright when you were angry. And you were so strong!" Dan rolled his eyes. "I'm strong now." Kodiak laughed. "Yeah right! I mean, he's not just cute! He's so strong! He defeated you, for crying out loud! Remember what I said earlier?" Dan rolled his eyes again.

"How could I not?"

Kodiak sighed dreamily. "It took five minutes for him to get his Ghostly Wail, while you had to wait ten years! Jealousy must burn in you like nothing I've ever seen! I mean, it must be really humiliating to have your younger, weaker self defeat you in combat when you clearly have more power, strength, and all that jolly stuff. All he did was use some old Fenton tech, and his Ghostly Wail, and BAM! You're in the thermos!" Dan growled. "Are you done yet?" Kodiak continued staring at the picture. "Nope." Dan groaned.

"And at least Danny has the common sense to see a _giant, purple football _in the middle of the Ghost Zone and think of Vlad! I mean, how dumb are you? You looked right past it! Didn't you want to rip Vlad top shreds? Or at least thank him for making you stronger? And yet you looked right past the football. Danny knew exactly what to look for! Am I rubbing this in your face too much?" Dan stopped rubbing his face. "_Yes!_" Kodiak smiled. "Good, cause you need to hear this!"

Dan threw his hands in the air. "How is this supposed to help me on the 'road to recovery?' I don't think this is supposed to help me!" Kodiak looked at him seriously. "You need to come to terms that you are a failure in life." Dan gave her a murderous look. "I'm going to-" "I'll send you to the thermos." Dan grumbled. "See! You're getting your butt kicked by me! You are a failure. Say it with me: I am a failure in life. My younger, cuter self and my therapist beat me. Just say that." Dan glared. "No." Kodiak shrugged. "Ok, but tomorrow you have to say it… Or else." Dan narrowed his eyes. "Or else what?" Kodiak smiled evilly. "Oh nothing." A clock beeped, and Kodiak looked at her watch. "Ooo! The Jerry Springer Show is on!"

Dan gave her a 'seriously' look. Kodiak smiled innocently. "He's having a special today. It's called 'I had my human half removed!' It's going to be epic!" Kodiak skipped off to her room, missing Dan give her a murderous look, or so he thought.

Kodiak peaked her head back in through the door. "Your face is going to freeze like that if you keep it up. Oh, too late."

A murderous scream could be heard throughout the Ghost Zone, and then…

"MY WORD, HERE'S SOME BREATH MINTS! DON'T YOU EVER BRUSH YOUR TEETH?! DEAR LORD, THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

_Time Skip…_

Dan was sleeping in his bed, snoring slightly. Kodiak came out of nowhere with a sharpie, a shaver, anti-ghost duct tape, a neon sign saying 'EVIL!', orange juice, marshmallows, hotdog weenies, and a filer. The first thing she did was sharpie out his emblem. Then she opened the orange juice cartoon with his fangs, drank the whole thing in thirty seconds, threw the carton away, and then filed down his fangs with the filer. After, she sat him up and shaved his mullet, planning to give him a small hair-cut. She lost control of the electric shaver, and created a strait, bald line down the middle of his head.

She looked at with wide-eyes, before shrugging and doing the rest.

After she gave Dan a hair-cut, she duct taped the neon sign to his forehead. Then, she got a lighter out of nowhere and tried to set his head back on fire with white flames. Didn't work, but she grabbed marshmallow anyway and made s'mores. She surprised the sign didn't catch on fire, just his head. After she was done, she put a hotdog on a stick, and started roasting, but she fell asleep.

_Later…_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kodiak woke with a start, but immediately saw her weenie. "Ah man! It's burnt!" Dan looked at her murderously, once again. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!" Dan shouted. Kodiak looked at her hotdog sadly, before throwing it away. "First off, you looked like a rip off of Danny, which you are. Second, I accidently shaved your mullet. Third, I tried to bring the mullet back. That's why your head's on fire. Fourth, your teeth are surprisingly good for opening orange juice, but I filed them down anyway. Fifth, the emblem looks horrible on you. And last but not least, I taped a sign to your head."

Dan looked at her with eye twitching. "Oh! Where do you get your scrunches? I mean you have fire for hair, why don't your scrunches catch on fire?" Dan started blubbering like a baby. Kodiak shook her head. "You are so sad for a former ruler of the universe. Hey, can you cut this apple with your ears?" Dan took the apple from Kodiak's hands and cut it with his ears. She looked at it amazed. "Amazing."

_Time Skip…_

Dan was sitting at the end of the bed, hissing. Kodiak came out of nowhere and grabbed his tongue. "How many times do I have to say it? No hissing at me!" She slapped him, ultimately letting go of his tongue. Dan's tongue hung limply out of his mouth, and he glared at the wolf-girl. "Now, what did you do to the poor snake whose tongue you took?" Dan face-palmed. "Why me?" He whined. "ANSWER ME!" Kodiak imitated his hiss.

_Time Skip…_

Kodiak and Dan sat in a room. Kodiak had glasses on looking at him seriously, and Dan looked like he was sulking. "Please put me back in the thermos." Kodiak wrote that down on a clipboard. "Why? And how does that make you feel?" Dan glared. "It makes me feel like I want to be put in a thermos."

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

"I hate you."

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

"You're annoying, and it makes me feel hatred."

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

"I really want to rip you apart limb by limb."

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

"Stop asking me that!"

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

"Shut up!"

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

"Stop it!"

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

"WHHHHHHYYYYY?!"

"Why? And how does that make you feel?"

_An hour later…_

Dan sat crying in his chair. An alarm went off, and Kodiak looked at the clock. "Well, this therapy session is over." Dan jumped up. "THANK YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE!" Kodiak smiled at him. "I'm Kodiak, remember silly? And I'm your best friend!" Kodiak attacked him with a hug. Poor Dan fainted.

Kodiak, seeing him unconscious, smacked him, waking him up instantly. "Hey Dan! A Danny Phantom Marathon is on today! It's showing every episode and every movie that was ever made! And they're playing it over and over! Come on!" Kodiak dragged him to her room, where she sat on his shoulders and a bowl of popcorn on Dan's head as she munched on it. Dan glared at the TV as they played his life. TUE was playing next. "OH MY GOSH! YOU AND YOUR GREATEST FAILURE IS UP NEXT!" Kodiak squealed right in his pointy ears.

_When TUE Comes On…_

"Look at your puny, little goatee Dan! It's so cute! Don't you agree! Oh, the big battle's up next! Look, I have dolls of you and Danny! See, this is you, and Danny's beating you up!" Kodiak put the dolls right in Dan's face and started making the Danny doll beat the crap out of the Dan doll. Then, once the fight scene was over, she started poking his back. "What are you doing?" Dan asked sadly. "I'm waiting to see if you'll hole my arm!" Dan looked to the ceiling. "Take me away." Kodiak suddenly jumped down from his shoulders. "I have a present! Be right back!"

When she came back, she had a cat with her. "Here you go, Dan!" The cat hissed at the ghost and attacked his face, sending them over the side of the bed. Kodiak wiped tears from her eyes. "Ahhhh! Sweetie-Pie and Dan like each other!" Dan and the cat rolled by. Kodiak grabbed the cat, and petted her. She placed Sweetie-Pie on the bed, and attacked Dan… with tickles. After five minutes of laughing non-stop, Dan kicked her against a wall.

"What is wrong with you!?" Dan twisted his head all the way around to face Kodiak.

Kodiak glared. "Get him Sweetie-Pie." The cat started mauling Dan's face again. Kodiak sat on her bed. "Hey! Dani's on! Oh, and I'm calling a chiropractor about your neck, ok Dan?"

_Time Skip…_

"Laundry day!" Kodiak yelled. Dan looked at her weirdly. "These are the only clothes I have." Kodiak shrugged. "Go to your room, and hang out there till I'm done." Dan grumbled as he walked to his room and did as he was told, knowing he could not defeat her. (It's so sad, isn't it?)

After getting his hazemat suit, Kodiak tossed it in the laundry carelessly, and a few other things, including a red sock.

_Later…_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What now?" Kodiak wondered aloud. Dan stormed into the room. The whites of his suit now pink. "What did you do to my suit!?" Kodiak shrugged. "I don't know, and I don't care. I washed it. And anyhow, I have a friend coming over to help you with something." Dan narrowed his eyes. "Who?"

The front door slammed open. "She's here!" Kodiak said, and walked forward. A midget woman appeared in the doorway. "Edna Mode, so nice to see you!" Kodiak said, beaming. Edna inspected her. "No capes." Kodiak kept smiling. "This is a cloak, not a cape." Edna shrugged. "Ok, now where is this Dan Phantom you have spoken about?" Kodiak pointed to Dan, who stood there, totally dumbstruck.

Edna inspected him. "You are a pathetic man, Mr. Phantom. And NO CAPES!" Edna grabbed his hand and pulled him into another room. Kodiak smiled, sat down at the kitchen table, and began reading her book, and munching on an apple. "Works every time."

_Time Skip/Kodiak's Christmas Party…_

"Hey Dan! It's your turn to sing!" Kodiak sang into a microphone, on a stage in the basement of the little lair. "No." Kodiak narrowed her eyes, grabbed him, and pushed him on stage. "Sing _All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Fangs_!" Kodiak shouted, and everyone behind her clapped. Danny, in disguise and in the back, held up a video-camera, getting the signal from Kodiak.

"No." Dan said, but the music started playing and he saw Kodiak glaring at him. He started singing, monologue-ish, but everyone was laughing at his misery. When he was done, he sat down by Kodiak again, who was shouting 'Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!'

"WHAT!?"

Kodiak shrugged. "When you chant Ember's name, her hair gets bigger, why not yours?" Dan glared at her. "Hey!" Dan feared the worst. "Do you remember Tucker's horrible singing?" Dan nodded. "Hey Tuck! Dan wants you to sing _Strange Fire_ for him!" Tucker smiled and ran on stage and started singing, really loudly, and really badly. Everyone else had earplugs. Dan did not. It looked like he was trying to rip his ears off actually.

_Time Skip…_

"Now Dan, I'm going to take you out finally. We're going to go to the Amity Park Mall!" Kodiak announced. "Finally, I can escape this stupid place!" Dan said, and was at the front door, ready to go. The two exited into the Ghost Zone, and Dan's Ghost Sense immediately went off. Kodiak laughed. "What?" She pointed at him. "Your Ghost Sense is funny." Dan smirked at her. "Doesn't matter, because I'm outta here!" Dan tried to fly away, but Kodiak grabbed the end of his cape and he face-planted into the front yard.

"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" Kodiak walked up and attached a leash to him, and a collar to his neck. "Now we can go."

_At the Amity Park Mall…_

"Alright Dan, you wait here for a minute, and then you can come after, K?" Kodiak said. Dan smirked at her. "Ok." Kodiak gave him a blank look and held up a device. "If you try to leave, I will zap you. That's what the collar's for." Dan grumbled. Kodiak smiled and strolled inside. Dan waited for a minute, before following her inside.

As soon as he stepped inside, the fire alarm went off. "OH MY GOSH! IT'S DAN PHANTOM! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Kodiak shouted, and started screaming as she ran around. Everyone followed her example, but stopped short when she started laughing. "Oh wait, he got beaten by a fourteen-year-old boy!" Everyone started laughing with her.

Dan started grumbling, but screamed when Kodiak started spraying him with a fire extinguisher. She climbed on his shoulders again, and poured a bottle of antiseptic on his head. Most of it went in his eyes, and he screamed bloody murder. "Stay still! I'm treating your head for third degree burns!" Dan clawed at his eyes. "Do you even know what to do?!" Kodiak shook her head. "Not a clue!"

_Later…_

Dan and Kodiak sat in a McDonalds, Dan slurping on a milkshake, and Kodiak eating a giant McFlurry, a tape recorder sitting next to her. "That was fun." Kodiak said, talking about treating his head for third degree burns. Dan was about to retort, but Kodiak pressed the tape-recorder.

"I am evil, hear me roar."

Dan opened his mouth.

"I am a ghost, fear me."

"Ser-"

"I am evil, hear me roar."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I am a ghost, fear me."

"I didn't even-"

"I am evil, hear me roar."

Dan slammed his head on the table. "That's not good for your colon!" Dan groaned.

"I am a ghost, fear me."

_Time Skip…_

"Alright Dan! Here's your new home!" Kodiak said, pointing to a cave. "You mean I'm free from you?" Dan asked amazed. "No, I'll still check up on you, but I won't be living with you."

"THANK YOU LORD!"

Dan ran to the cave, and slammed the door shut. Kodiak waved, and put a sign in the front yard before leaving. The sign said: Beware of Evil Ghost.

_Time Skip…_

Dan was sleeping in his room, dreaming about taking over the world, when the phone rang, shattering his beautiful dream. He picked it up. "You better have a good reason for waking me up in the middle of the night, or I'll hunt you down AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!" A disapproving clicking noise was heard. "Language Dan." Dan's mouth dropped open. "Why are you calling me?!"

"What's a schmuck?"

"What?" Dan said disbelievingly. "YOU!" The dial tone mocked him. Dan rolled his eyes and let his head fall back to the pillow. The phone rang again. He wordlessly picked it up.

"Schmuck is a Jewish term for someone who's putsy. Now, why do humans need sleep?"

The awful dial tone was back. Dan didn't even have time before the phone rang again.

"WHY IS THERE A BUNNY IN MY YARD!?" Dial tone.

Ring-ring.

"Does looking at a picture of the sun hurt your eyes?"

All through the night this happened.

"Can you actually lose weight by rubbing your stomach?"

"If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?"

"Why are they called stairs inside, but steps outside?"

"Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?"

"Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?"

In the morning, Dan had fallen asleep, still listening to her stupid questions.

_Time Skip…_

Kodiak snuck into Dan's bedroom in the middle of the night. She grabbed the phone and exited the room and went outside. She dialed a number and waited.

_"Hi. This is Valerie Gray. I don't have my phone at the moment, so please leave a message after the tone. I'll call back as soon as possible. Thanks!"_

Kodiak smirked, and started. "Hey Val, this is Dan Phantom. I wanted to know if you would want to go on a date with me, a ghost, evil version of the strongest ghost in existence. Call back soon babe." Kodiak added a kissy noise for added effect, and hung up. "I'm a genius!"

_In Amity…_

"He wants to what?!" Valerie shouted, hearing Dan's voice through the speaker. Kodiak sat in her window-sill. "Was that Dan?" Valerie nodded. "I know where he lives. Here." Kodiak said, handing her a piece of paper. "Thanks." Valerie said. Kodiak smiled innocently. "Anytime." Valerie put on her suit. "I'm coming for you, Dan! You better watch out!" She flew away. Kodiak hopped out of the window-sill. "Hey Danny, I want my five-bucks now!"

_Time Skip…_

After Valerie beat up Dan, she put him in the middle of the Far Frozen. He was getting up when something hit him in the back of the head. He picked up the machine and saw it was a boomerang. "What?" Kodiak ran up to him. "There you are! Come on, Clockwork wants to have a word with you! I can't believe you hit on Valerie!" Dan was confused. "I never hit on the huntress!" Kodiak smacked him. "Liar! Now come on!" Dan was dragged away, crying.

The screen turned black and Kodiak appeared. "Hey guys! Thanks for reading! Sorry sis, didn't add you! Forgot… Oh well, I mentioned you! I might be able to fit you in on the one with Vlad, but I doubt it. So, anyways, bye! And thanks again! Remember to look out for 53 Ways To Annoy Vlad! Kodiak Style!"

**Kodi: That was fun!**

**Kadzait: THAT WAS A NIGHTMARE! ARE YOU INSANE?! Don't answer that...**

**Kodi: OK!**


	2. Reviews

**Guys, YOU MADE ME FEEL ALL WARM INSIDE! I'm so happy you decided to click this story and read all of it! It made me feel invincible (In a Batman sorta way, not like Superman)! I LOVE YOU GUYS!**

**I would like to thank ****_AngetianPrincess18, Cookieplzandthnx,_ _Mals42 _and_ Invader Johnny _for and/or following! Thanks guys!**

**Reviews:**

**Invader Johnny: He did deserve some of that crap, didn't he? He only destroyed the entire world. And another dimension. :D**

**Cookieplzandthnx: I'm glad you think this is hilarious and genius! And I kinda wished you did fall off your bed. *guilty smile***

**Lexosaurus: I'M GLAD YOU THINK THIS WAY PERFECT! You totally brightened my day! All of the reviews did!**

**DragonPrincess: IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED! Your review made me crack up! It really did, dude. I applaud you. *applauds***


End file.
